Jasyn's Weekly Entries

Sorry for the delay guys!

Well I’ve done a lot of thinking lately and figured that I need to get things back on track… I’m behind on my finances, my health, and just about everything else ranging from my Truck to my apartment… Oiy I don’t know why things pile up on me like this all the time, [Okay maybe I do know why, but doesn't mean I like it!]

So I’m compiling a list of things that need to be done and going to finally get off my lazy arse and get to it for a change… But with certain things I need the help and support of my friends and family… Maybe this will also inspire someone who is struggling with handling things to get on the right track! I can only hope to set a good example for others to follow… I don’t know why I feel the need to do these things, it’s not like I really need anyone’s approval, however I just have the need to better myself in order to achieve better things in life.

I guess this all stems from my depression as of late though… I’m just still hurt by the fact that this could have been my sons first Christmas, the first year where I was suppose to spoil him… Get him a little Tigers or Diamondbacks jersey for him… take the day off to be with my kid… I kinda lost a sence of determination when I found out he was a lie… hence why I guess I just let things just lapse and not cared anymore… Although I tried to keep a tough front, I felt like dying everyday… This holiday season really took the wind out of my sails, but like always I seem to bounce back even stronger than ever… And I feel like I will bounce back when I get my life back to manageable again! I can only hope… Well my next update will probably be on or around Christmas, I need a little Hiatus from this site building stuff for a little bit, but I will be back with new pictures and stories I’m sure

[Deck some halls!]

Hello again my friends!

Well while thinking of what I’d write in this entry I figured I’d go a different route this time in order to kinda vent a little bit as well… [I seem to do that a lot] But I look back at all the entries I put in the past and look even further than that in order to gain a little perspective on my life and try and see if this is truly the way that a person should live… I know, I know this is already getting kinda deep, but I kinda like to do some inner soul searching every now and again… I’ve always tried to do the right thing in life, you know try to make the best choices in order not only to help myself, but mainly to help others… But life really get’s complicated… No matter how much of a good person you really want to be there will always be someone whom will be crushed as a result… However, as always seems to be the case, this world is not ready for good people to do the right things… For every kind hearted person there is someone out there that will take advantage and exploit that fact in order to get what they want… You really have two choices ln life anymore, be kind hearted and try and do some good for others no matter how difficult and sometimes unrewarding the task is or become the jerk of the world and take advantage of the good people in order to make it somewhat easier on your life but make it more difficult on others… This is how I have come to view society… Sometimes I feel like I am the only one really trying everyday to try and just do ONE GOOD THING for at least someone today, tomorrow, the day after that, etc… But somewhere, somehow I always seem to have to be the asshole… [Okay the cat's out of the bag]…

I guess while being a nice guy (or so I like to believe I am) I am faced with difficult choices that really end up hurting someone at any given time; like a test that has no correct answers, just answers that are wrong no matter what you say…

And this brings me to the update part of my little entry today…. Well back on Friday I was sitting at home with Stephanie, when of all people to show up Amber comes knocking at the door… She came with a proposal in mind, be with me and she’ll divorce her husband whose in jail… Amber’s ulterior motives are still a little unclear, however after 8 years of history with someone doesn’t help anything… For those of you who don’t know about my past, Amber was my very first girlfriend and also my first Fiancee whom I asked to marry me while I was still in High School… Things between us were always complicated… Sorry got off track there… Well she knocked on my door and said she would be mine again, but with Stephanie looking on like a spectator to a horrific accident… Amber tried her best to get me to be hers once again, but I had to crush her heart in order to preserve what me and Stephanie have developed in such a short time… Again decisions that nice guys are handed every day… A decision with no RIGHT answer, because someone always loses… Although I, according to everyone I confided this story to says I made the correct decision, I still had to crush someone in the process… Hence why this entry has kind of a somber tone to it… I feel bad because I had to be the asshole, I had to hurt SOMEONE with either choice I made… Many in this scenario wouldn’t give it a second thought, but it’s decisions like this that haunt me day in and day out… Decisions that really crush and hurt people… It wasn’t like I asked for this choice to find me, however things like this always seem to plague me… Sometimes I feel in debt because of decisions like these, because I feel I’ve done wrong… Is it really wrong to feel like this, even if I didn’t make the gun I still pulled the trigger…

I guess the point of this entry is mainly to vent more than anything, as I’m sure we all want to vent every now and again… Just life gets very complicated when you get older, as I’m sure it gets even more complicated when you’re in your 40′s, 50′s, 80′s, ect… There is no real break, all I can hope for is that I can make the best decision I can possibly make… I like to quote Nickolas D. Wolfwood, as I usually like to: We are nothing god. Not only do we have limited powers, but sometimes were even driven to become the devil him self… I just hope when I pass from this Earth, that I will be looked on as someone who led a good life and did good things…

And here’s to Stephanie, whose steadily showing me that good things do get a reward and that it is okay to love and trust again! I love you sweetie and hope you know that!!!

Well I am going to close this entry… Sorry for getting a little heavy there… sometimes the holiday season does this to me… I promise the next one will be more cheerier.. wait… THERE A SMILEY!!!! HA! LOL… Okay everyone, Catch you guys later!!!

[STOP, SHOP, And ROLL!]